I wont burn out in this place

About The Writer

I'm Layla

I think too much and don't write nearly enough. I mainly read and write 'poetry' in my iphone notes and long paragraphs about nothing.

If you are following me then welcome. There's only one thing you need to know about me: I am a severely deeply unhappy person. Brace yourself for melancholy posts and manic outbursts. Thanks.


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I don’t know what to do anymore. In my head I see myself as this soft hearted person. With a passion for making people happy and love in general. All I’ve ever wanted was to love so fiercely and deeply as I do and to be loved the same in return. I always feel like I’m spending my energy, explaining myself, trying to get someone to see that I deserve the best if I give them the best, trying to get them to just treat me like I treat them. Why can’t I have the love I see in the movies? Why doesn’t that kind exist? That’s all I’ve ever wanted. Why does there always have to be years and heartbreak? It breaks all the time and I’m so exhausted. I’m so exhausted. Is there the kind of love that’s honest and patient? Is there the kind that’s soft to the touch and to the voice? Is the the mind the kisses you when they see sadness in your eyes to reassure you? The kind that kisses you because they know they’ve let you down? Is there the kind that promises to always be better and continue to get better with every passing day and keeps it? Are there jokes that make me happy instead of anxious. Jokes that make me laugh out loud instead of angry? Is the the kind of love that can see the pleading I my eyes as I beg for it to be normal and fun? I can beg a million times over and it’ll never change.

I blame myself.

I always wonder… Maybe if »I« change, maybe if »I« weren’t me. But someone else worth something at the very least maybe I’d get the love I so badly want. Romantic, hilarious, thrilling, soft, patient…

I look at rings online all the time but I’m only torchering myself. That’s all. But their so pretty… And the idea of it…

I blame myself for watching too many movies and TV shows. They only give unrealistic view on love like society gives unrealistic standards for women haha.

I’m such an idiot for centering my entire life around love and my romantic life because the minute it goes wrong my entire world comes crashing down. I wish I had friends or family. But I don’t. I only have love. … Or the lack of it.


Maybe I should start

Saying nice things about myself.
Like I always have good intentions and I care a lot about people and am good and giving the benefit of the doubt when they are being mean.

So this is “nice things about myself” no. 1


I hurt myself today. I dug my nails into my face - my forehead and put marks into my skin.
Everyday I think of myself as the soft maternal figure. I look up to people I want to be like and try to emulate them - make myself better. But I always fail.
Always.


Thank you! 💖💖

Thank you! 💖💖

Is it safe to lay in a cemetery alone in the evening?
Idk.
But it’s quiet.
The dead are quiet.
And that’s nice.


iPhone notes no.3

iPhone notes no.3

If I were an animal. Maybe a cat. iPhone notes 3.

If I were an animal. Maybe a cat. iPhone notes 3.

No one understands my intense fear of grasshoppers.


iPhone notes no.2: 2Am pain

iPhone notes no.2: 2Am pain

iPhone notes no.1